Sports from the point view from the guy that holds the clipboard for the guy that holds the clipboard.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Steroids Hall of Fame: Sylvester Stallone

Rocky, Rambo, Cobra, and that dude who's mom might shoot you.  Yes Sly Stallone is a steroid user.

Excuse me, an HGH user.  Because it would be "naive" (his word) for me to lump HGH use in with Steroid use.  Afterall HGH will be legal and OTC in the coming decade.  It is just an amino acid with little to no side effects when used properly.  Yes folks that is the story Sly is selling, and boy can this man sell.  I'm not buying it.  You juiced to get jacked to film the last Rambo/Rocky movies, don't try to color it as anything other than that.  You're old and that does not justify cheating or cutting corners.

Now let's be fair to Sly, he does get it.  Drugs alone don't work, but again I say, "Then just do the work and let nature take care of it.  It will be more realistic, because it's REAL!"   He did work his ass off though, you have to for this shit to work.  I mean look at his moobs, you can tell he worked out to get them that high and tight, and you know the moment he stops he need one of those man-bras.

The other issue the competition one.  Who was he competing against you are wondering?  Daniel Craig and Christian Bale, you know the next generation of action stars.  You can look at Sly as the aging veteran who wants one last time in the spotlight and will do whatever it takes to get it.  Of course he was also the nobody who wanted wanted a shot at the spotlight and would do anything to get it, but that was over  30 years ago!  

He makes the SHOF due to the amount of money he has earned as a direct result of his drug use.  The guy could write, Rocky won an Oscar because it deserved one.  I wonder what we could have had from him if he choose a different path.

And it goes back to that, steroids are all this guy knows and the positive reinforcement America has given him because of his drug use will mean that we are not done with Sly.  I hope he does not end up like Lyle Alzado but I can't see him changing his ways at this point of his life.

You don't do this to your body at age 60 without paying a price for it.

Welcome to the club Sly.

Monday, November 24, 2008

BCS Defender: Conference Tie-breakers

The cluster-F that is the Big 12 south is strickly a problem for the Big 12.  Yes it has BCS implications BUT the same problems would exist in a playoff world.  I won't go into this further because I need to head off to work soon.  What I will do is defend my point by linking you to BCS conference tie-breakers to show that BCS ranking is not nearly as important a tiebreaker, if at all, in the other BCS conferences.

Big 12

SEC   (scroll down)

Pac 10

Big 10

Big East  (PDF file, chrome users Beware!)


So only the Big East uses the BCS rankings as such a high tiebreaker as the Big 12.  The other 4 conferences use it as the last resort or next to last resort before flipping a coin or drawing lots.  But people still blame this 3 way 1 loss tie on the BCS.  Set up a playoff scenario that does not completely screw 1 if not 2 of these teams.  Then tell me who your precious playoff would handle Missouri winning the Big 12 Championship.

I say it to be snarky, I say it to raise a point:
The Big 12 should have a playoff.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Steroids Hall of Fame: Jim Haslett

Yes let's take a nice little turn into obscurity a bit with our return to the Steroids Hall of Fame.  Jim Haslett, the man who implicated the 1970's Steelers in steroid use, was in fact a user himself.  This nice hard nose coach that we all respect despite his record (sub .500), was in fact a user.  Now of course he used the "everyone tried it" line, but he still used.  Here is what he got for his drug use.  Basically a mediocre player who survived through drug use, a classic NFL tale.  As far as his coaching goes, we have to wonder what his stance on steroid use.  Because he obviously gets it:   
"I'll tell you one thing about steroids, if you take them you still have to eat right and work your ass off. If you take them and you don't do anything, that doesn't do anything for you."  via an interview with the AP 

I am not speculating that he is encouraging his players to use, I'm just wondering what his reaction will be when one of his players gets busted.  Especially since we've seen the long term anti-apology attitudes of most other former users.   And add that to his pointing the finger at the Steelers when asked about his own drug use and we see again that Steroid use permanently changes a person in ways only few other drugs can.

Congratulations Jim Haslett you are the first member in the Coaches wing of the Steroids Hall of Fame.  Don't worry, you will not alone for long.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

BCS Defender: The Detours to Dreamville

Only a handful of detours remain to the collective wet dream BCS Final of the Big-12 Champ vs the SEC Champ.  It only boils down to two or three ways out.

1) Florida Loses to Citadel or FSU then wins SEC Championship game.

2) Missouri wins the Big-12 Championship Game.

Odds one of these happening?  Pretty darn good.  Only once since 1992 has the Big-12 met the SEC for the National Championship.  Conference Championship games are the reason why.  So if your perfect match-up does not happen do not blame the BCS, blame the conference championship games.

If I had to put money on one it is Missouri winning the Big-12, after-all this is defense free conference, and Chase has been there before.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

BCS Defender: The Perfect Set-Up.

Silly haters, you have yet to realize that the BCS is Chinese Finger Torture,  The more you fight it, the stronger it's grip on you gets.  Let's take a look at few examples:

1) The BCS Buster!  The mythical non-BCS cofnerence school that goes undefeated.  They are supposed to be the poster child for a playoff.  "THEY DESERVE A CHANCE TO PLAY FOR THE TITLE!"  Really?  You would have been happy seeing Hawaii play Ohio St for the National Championship last year?  There are two answers to that question, the honest one and the one you'l say out loud.  The honest one is no.  Same goes for Boise St in '06.  So because you fools don't really want an underdog to play for the title, you play right into the BCS.  You cry foul, create hype, watch the game this "buster" plays in, and you half root for them.  So you increase the TV ratings, increase the interest in the BCS and you give the BCS a  win-win situation.  If they win (Boise St) the BCS gets a historic moment people will never forget, which legitimizes this thing you hate.  And if they lose (Hawaii), then oh well they never were a real threat anyway and there's no way they should have been in the title game, which only destroys your beloved playoff argument.  Stop and think about this.  You do this all by yourself.  It's psychological and marketing Jiu-Jitsu. The BCS takes your "Buster" and makes you support the BCS and work against a playoff.  Congratulations hater, go drink another Bud, eat some Tostitos, and send your complaints via FedEx to the PWND Department of the BCS HQ.

2) The conference Championship game.  Some day, if I right enough of these articles maybe, just maybe, people will see that the Conference Championship Games are a bigger problem than the BCS.  And that getting rid of the BCS will leave us with so many of the same issues that the BCS is not the problem AT ALL.  Let's look at America's Wet Dream: Big-12 Champ vs SEC Champ for the National Title.  It's not going to happen, this year or any year.  Why?  Because the BCS is awesome.  Yes, awesome.  Why? Well because Florida and Alabama each have two games to play before they meet in the SEC Championship game

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Things that Piss Me Off: NFL Edition

Thursday Night Football.

Can we make the NFL-N go away?  I'm sure if I had it I'd think differently, but as of right now it seems to be causing more problems than it is worth.  Their exclusive set of games just serve to annoy the hell out me and the vast majority of football loving Americans who do not have this station.  Now this is not a rant about the NFL-N, that is a whole separate beast, but rather a rant about it's Thursday Night games.

Let me first point out that the Thanksgiving Day games are special and accpetable, even the additional one that NFL-N has added that evening.  The games on Saturday once College football is over are cool, the NFL-N broadcasting them not so much.  Saturday is like Monday, a one day shorter week is not too bad.

My gripe is the watering down of the schedule at the end of the season.  Let's face it, out of 13-16 games each week you cannot guarantee that even half will be a compelling match-up on paper or end up competitive.  Those are the two main factors in turning on a game, or at least the factors that will determine if the audience will exceed your ratings average. Second you are causing a legitimate disadvantage to the teams playing.  Having a very short week (teams lose 3 days when playing on thursday) once a season for six teams total is not going to impact the playoff race, but doing it 4-7 times a season will.  Especially when combined with my first point.  The NFL is not dumb, they want people to watch these games so they are going to do their best, within the current TV contract, to get a match-up people will watch.  That means taking teams they think will be in the playoff hunt.  So they actually want to screw with teams trying to make the playoffs!  It's not like Turkey Day at all, where the match-ups are on a rotation to try and give every team a chance to play on that day.

Then this season they have started it two full weeks earlier.  Hooray let's go and make even more games harder to watch.  Let's mess with more teams trying to make the playoffs.  The NFL became a juggernaut because it such a higher percentage of their games were on Network TV as compared to any other team sport.  Now I understand we are in the 21st century and Network TV does not have the power and impact it once did, but it still out draws Cable TV by a considerable margin.  Nevermind a specialty station that not everyone has and not everyone who has Cable or Satelite can even get if they wanted to.  Why is the NHL in such bad shape?  No can find their games on TV beyond their regional cable sports channel.  VS is out there, but even I get it's station number mixed up with Animal Planet.  And I actually watch Animal Planet!  By taking games off the network feed the NFL is hurting it's brand.  People will get to the point that they won't feel the need to see as much football as possible, and that is a dangerous road for the NFL.

So to summarize, Thursday night football sucks because:
There aren't enough good or promising games to begin with.
It's hurts teams trying to make the playoffs.
It hurts the league by allowing people an excuse to not watch a game.  An excuse which never existed before in my lifetime.  (32 years)

We don't need 6 weeks of this crap, we don't even need one.  There isn't even any money in such a narrow focus network, the money is online (See MLB.TV and the money machine that thing is, which they are going to ruin because they too are launching a network).  TV is a medium that is dying, don't start a Network, lock up your online rights and start a subscription based Website.  That is where the money is.  Networks cost too much to start up for what money they can generate.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Things that piss me off: Football edition

4th and short.  This situation comes up 3-4 times a game and at least one of those times the coach will cost his team due to his own indecisiveness.  The things that bugs the living hell out of me is when the coach uses a timeout.  Either run a play or kick the ball, it's not hard.  Calling a timeout only wastes the timeout and if you run a play you have given the advantage to the Defense.   What coaches should do is have a quick call already set-up with the QB.   That way when a 4th and short occurs the QB has a play to run and can go no huddle, catch the D off guard and steal a first down.  But yet game after game week after otherwise intelligent men act like frigging insecure babies and make a preventable mental error.


This rant inspired by Bill Belichick, who wasted his team's final timeout in an  act of wishy-washy idiocy.  You made a call, let the players run the play.  But no, your balls shrink at the last second and you waste your last timeout with just under 12 minutes left in the game.  That timeout cost you 30 seconds at the end of the game and that was the difference between 3 long passes and actually running a drive to get into field goal position.  Had you missed on the 4th and short you would have had the Colts pinned, one punt (Or even a FG) and you're in good shape with plenty of time left on the clock and a timeout.  

 There were other things that cost the Patriots that game, but this one is one we'll see in almost every game played next week, and the week after that.  It's a simple fix but no coach wants to take the time to do it.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Misdirection Play 11-2

We start again this week with the Hock's take on Happy Gilmore  John Daly.  As I said last week about Seattle, fortune's change in the world of sports.  John went from the top to Mc Hammer-ville and the Phillies went from Loserville to winners.  It's a wacky world.  Yes I used the word wacky, you try picking a better word.

A Tri-fecta from the Onion this week!  Big Ben , Isiah Thomas , and a moonlighting Olympic Rifleman.

The Athlist brings us a new take on the idea that Refs need glasses.

My attempt to ignore the World Series mostly worked.  As a result I failed to send you here in a timely manner.  It is still funny though.

Once again congratulations Philly , you'll still always be loserville to me.

Your weekly cheating recap!

Winning new concept in the world of Blogging, the Virtual Book Tour.  Look every blogger wants to have a book published, but none of them are motivated enough to step away from the computer and travel, so why not just guest blog.  BRILLIANT!

The lovely Kelly Ripa will never have a career in sports broadcasting.  She had to have been set up on this, but who cares.  Hot blond chicks swearing will always rule.  Sorry she's teflon, long standing crush.

Speaking of swearing blonds, the Wife (aka The Editor) and I saw Zack and Miri last night.  It was good, if you like Kevin Smith movies.  It was Kevin Smith but more "refined", in terms of film making and story telling, NOT subject matter.  We saw some great old faces, listened to a killer soundtrack, and a fun time was had.  The name is 100% misleading because the lead actress never shows us her breasts.  Yeah it's an Undercover Romantic Comedy.  There are Tits, but not the ones you want to see.  There's saggy balls too, but seriously.  I call false advertising!

That's it, see you next week.  Really, one week I promise.