Steroids are not funny, and even Jose Canseco could not make then funny. Thank god we have Rafael Palmeiro. This guy makes steroids funny. This guy brings the humor harder than Dane Cook! Seriosly, if the SHOF had a man of the year award for 2005, it would be Raf.
Don't believe me?Those were his words after his 10 game suspension in 2005. Thank god he had Jose Canseco. See humor. I won't even make any of the potential jokes. I will let your mind run wild. The suspension came on August 1st, 2005 AFTER the February release of the book in which Jose fingered him. The suspension ended on August 11, and he did not play again in the 14th, the day the Orioles had previously scheduled as Rafael Palmeiro appreciation day. The day they were to clebrate his 500hr and 3,000 hit career. Oops. Wait, in March of that year was the infamous Congressional Hearing. So that's funny due to timing, but it is also funny because it was there he said:
"I have never intentionally used steroids. Never. Ever. Period. Ultimately, although I never intentionally put a banned substance into my body, the independent arbitrator ruled that I had to be suspended under the terms of the program."
"Let me start by telling you this: I have never used steroids, period. I don't know how to say it any more clearly than that. Never."
Wait a second there. So all it takes is to add the word intentionally to escape the rap? Like someone broke into your house and injected you with steroids in the middle of the night. So that the next day when you went to work you did not realize that you were working the same muscle groups you had worked the day before? Now that's comedy.
The punch line (or last punch line) is that he probably avoided a perjury charge by ratting out Miguel Tejada. The victim of a rat becomes a rat. Kids, steroids, more than any other drug, fundamentally changes your view on the world. This more than anything is the danger of steroids. Screwing with your body is one thing, but once you mess up your head, it is all over.
Drug of choice for Raf was stanozolol.
His claim to fame, was a great career: 3,000 hits and 500 hrs. Only 3 other men are in that club. Hank Aaron, Willie Mays, and Eddie Murray. Had Raf earned these numbers clean, he'd be considered not just a great player, but one of the best ever.
Raf gives us both sides of the equation: Steroids work, they give you the edge needed to win. But they change you, permanently. And not just your body is changed. So it boils down to the question that I'd love to see him answer right now, "Was it worth it?" Oh but he's still in denial, and will be for a long time.
Welcome to the club Raf!