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Sunday, March 1, 2009

Mock Madness 2009: Most Hated Sports Figure

Alright Take 2 at Mock Madness.  Last year I had you choose the joke method I would use to pick my Bracket.  This year we get a bit more serious.  Not too serious.  Voting ends Saturday night March 7th.

Go look at the bracket.    Most Hated Person in Sports


Most Hated Sports Figure.

Ty Cobb Region:
Bill Belichick vs Matt Iaconelli
BB does not need to play dirty to beat the fisherman, but that does not mean he won't.  Look, even a Patriots fan can admit how much people hate this man.  I disagree with the reasons, and think you are all jealous but I cannot argue about how passionate your jealousy is.



AI vs Jeremy Shockey
Tacky Tattoo Takedown.  Shockey had big advantages in height and weight, but honestly AI has about 10x the heart of the Loser Shockey.   It all comes down to which you hate more Cry-Babies or those that don't Practice.



Larry Brown vs Jerry Jones
Old White and Overrated vs Old White and Richer than God.
I hate Larry Brown because he has no loyalty.  He's always looking for his next coaching gig.  And Jerry Jones, he's hated as being one of the 5 dumbest people associated with the NFL  (Peter King, Al Davis, Dan Snyder, and John Madden round out that list.)



Bruce Bowen vs Al Davis
I think this is a no brainer.  Bruce is dirty as hell, but Al Davis is Al Davis.  He's a vampire, a lunatic, an idiot, and a madman all rolled into one.



Nick Saban vs Manu Ginobli
The Traitor vs The Flopper  Measure their sins carefully, one is just looking out for his family and the other ius willing to humilate himself to benefit his team.  HA!  Loyal as a rattle snake or cheater, which is worse.



Drew Rosenhaus vs Kurt Busch
There is no wrong answer here, one is pure evil and the other drives in circles.




Ray Lewis vs Derek Jeter  
Two heavy hitters in this battle.  The Passion of the Ray (with a knife) compared to the Smuggest of the Smug, epitome of every evil about the Evil Empire.  Again, we have no wrong answer.




Scott Boras vs Eugene Morris
You don't need to be a Baseball fan to hate Scott, and you don't need to be a Pats fan to hate Mercury Morris.  Both have done unreparable damge, one to the national pastime and the other to the legacy of an undefeated football team for which he was the third string RB.  3rd string RB...hmmm...maybe I misnamed my blog.



Claude Lemieux Region:

Brett Favre vs Lleyton Hewitt
Yeah the tennis player is cannon fodder whether or not Brett is truly retired.




Barry Bonds vs Rodney Harrison
Barry is on here, because he is just on the edge of relevancy, but he's not ranked because he hasn't played in a couple of years.  He's matched up against the Dirtiest Player in the NFL.  An tough first round battle, but that's the way a draw works.




Peter King v Starbury
Another good first round battle.  The minor goat of the Knicks, vs the big fat no-nothing loudmouth of the NFL.  I swear this guy knows nothing but Brett's cell phone number.  He ruined Inside the NFL, and he ruined SI.  I am a bit biased here, as with the Favre match up, but to be fair Marbury is the guy dumb enough not to make things work with D'Anonti,  Seriously, Marbury in that offense would be epic WIN-WIN, but he's so selfish he doesn't know what's really in his best interest.  Guess he wants a ring as a back-up over re-creating his reputation and leading the Knicks back to relevancy.  No winner in this battle.




Joe Morgan vs Ron Artest
Baseball's worst announcer against one of the most over rated Basketball players ever.  And that's a long list to be near the top of!   Sometimes an HOFer needs to shut up and go back to cooperstown, and sometimes a man needs to know when to stay home at night.




Chad Johnson vs A.J. Pierzynski
Chad is one of those guys that I think is just having fun.  I understand that this is a minority opinion which is why he is here.   Pierzynski however has no minority opinion that he is just having fun.  None what so ever.  Oh some people do like him, but they don't think he's having fun.



Adam Jones vs Sean Avery     The Faux Machismo Heavy Weight Title!
How do I maintain a PG-13 rating when talking about this match-up?  I can't.  Stripclubs vs Sloppy Seconds Ladies I ask you which one is less offensive?  I mean you can't fault a guy for being a perv, but there are such things as reasonable limits.  Like not every night and not thinking you own forever every woman you've ever had sex with.




Tim Tebow vs Rasheed Wallace
The Hype vs The Technical Foul  Tim Tebow can do all sorts of crazy things, but can he chill 'Sheed out?  Normally I love passion, but Wallace takes it too far.  You've got to be Bird-like.  When you angry, you kill the other team with your play.  LeBron does this better than anyone right now.  Rasheed's anger serves as a distraction.  Yeha he's gotten better, but it's still an issue.  And with Detroit no longer being one of the top teams I think we'll start seeing some of the old 'Sheed. Tim Tebow loooooooooooovres some Jesus, while I have no issue with the big JC myself, his followers tend to annoy the hell out of me.  Tim bucks this trend by not being nearly as annoying as most (Kurt Warner) and by backing it up (missionary work is hard work and I do respect that).  I also think Tim can make it as a QB in the NFL, IF he can learn to become a throw first scrambling QB.  He needs to try to be the next Donovan McNabb, minus the injuries.



(2)Matt Millen vs Chris Chelios
Do I need to explain why Matt Millen is here?  I do however know that I need to tell you why he is a 2 seed. The A-rod story broke.  It is that simple.  Chris Chelios is in the Sacrificial lamb position due to his Legacy, that and I was not going to allow Claude's un-retirement to ruin my hard work.  I could have swapped them easy but it is what it is and Millen will do what his Lions could not.




Neon Deion Region:
(1)Alex Rodriguez vs Bonzi Wells
Again, cannon fodder.  No way was I going to put anyone even closely relevant here.



Phil Jackson vs Michael Vick
This one seems like a no brainer.  I mean there is nothing special about the hate toward Phil Jackson, he's basically your arrogant successful coach.  Vick killed puppies.  PUPPIES!  Still Jackson is an overrated smug prick.  That does go a long way.



Isiah Thomas  vs Rich Rodriguez
I know Isiah is not relevant, but man his tenure was less than a year past and it was epic.  If I were a Knicks fan I would want him involved.  Rich's past is also only a year ago, but his is still in the courts.  Stupidity vs Greed, a classic showdown of things we hate.



Ozzie Guillen vs Plaxico Buress
A-hole vs Thigh-hole.  Get it?  He shot himself in the thigh.  I am so funny, and very wrong.  Again with the arrogant coach, we really don't dig that in the sports world, unless it's our team's coach.  Buress, man poor guy has so much talent and is such a good player, yet again STUPID.  We also do not like stupid players, again, unless they are on our team.



Kurt Warner vs Jimmy Rollins
Obnoxious overrated geezer against the arrogant, but right, young stud.  I think that's why Rollins is here, because he was right.  We dislike arrogance, but when that gets backed up it is infuriating!  Almost as infuriating as when the word Jesus is used 10 times a minute by someone that should not even be playing professional sports.



Eli Manning vs Clay Bennett
Eli is no longer the over looked younger brother of Peyton.  He won his own Super Bowl and without it no one would even care about Eli.  But I bet there are some Cowboys fans whose hate is based solely on being jealous of having a QB that can win important games.  Clay Bennett, who is he you may ask?  He's the lying a-hole that stole the SuperSonics from Seattle to move them to the urban mecca that is Oklahoma City.   Believe mje, if you are from Seattle, you hate Clay.



Curt Schilling vs Hines Ward
I justify Schilling here, not just because of my personal bias, but because the loudmouth just won't ever shut up!  You are done playing, stop talking for a minute!  Oh, that's right his ego won't let him.  He thinks anyone ever cared what he has to say.  I can only imagine the hell that must be his poor wife's life.  I beat she went deaf 5 years ago and decided not to tell anybody about it.  Hines Ward is the dirtiest offensive player that is not a lineman.  The guy owns the middle of the filed because of the cheap shots and late hits he gives.  If it weren't for their obnoxious fans, Hines Ward alone would be enough to for me to hate the Steelers.



(2)Kobe Bryant vs Jeff Reed
Kobe has more reasons to hate him than almost anyone.  It was a toss up between him and Coach K for a #1 seed.  Jeff Reed, just do a google image search if you don't know who he is or why you should hate him?



Bob Knight Region:

(1)Mike Krzyzewski vs Jason Giambi
Giambi as cannon fodder?  Well it's because I don't think truly care enough about him to hate him as much as they did 2-3 years ago.  To some degree you need to be a good enough player/coach in order for people to even bother disliking you.  The Jealousy component is a part of the hatred for everyone on this list.  Speaking of Jealousy.  Hatred of Coach K is pure jealousy.  Don't call me biased, he's a number seed. But really you can't back up your hate with any good reason here.  IT is all jealousy that he is such a good coach, that year after year he takes lesser talent further than your school takes blue chip NBA prospects.  If Coach K ever recruited the 1 and done guys he'd win more titles than John Wooden, easy.  But he's ties one hand behind his back to keep things fair.  You really should thank him.



Kyle Busch vs Joey Porter
I'll be honest, I don;t really know or care why someone who drives in circles should be hated, but I know from the research I did that he belongs.  If you like NASCAR you tell us why.  Joey Porter however needs to shut his mouth.  Someday he will get his, badly and I will laugh and laugh and laugh.  Even super-loyal Steelers fans have turned their backs on this jerk.



Shawne Merriman vs Roger Clemens
'ROID RAGE BATTLE!
Battle of those who choke when it matters!
Who knew these two had so much in common?  Amazing the things you learn from the internets.  This boils down to which is more annoying: The Lights Out Dance or Sleeping with 15yo country musicians /  HAving all your kids name start with the letter K.



Manny Ramirez vs Shaquille O'Neal
Clown on Clown violence!
Two men who can't take anything seriously.  One is unemployed and the other wants to go back to a bad marriage (Kobe and Phil).  Either are arguable the best of their era at what they do.  Both still have much left to contribute to their sports, Shaq did drop 40+ the other night!  I have a hard time hating either of these guys, but I know I am in a very minority position there.   Actually of all the first round match-ups, this is one where I'd like to actually see these two guys in the same room together.



Peyton Manning vs Tony Stewart
Now, even I know why people hate Tony Stewart.  This guy has both a temper and a potty mouth!  Peyton however is unavoidable during football season.  I hate him, but loves the faces he makes when his team loses. Ah Peyton face, you make me want to hate the NASCAR guy more.



Tom Brady vs Bud Selig
Tom is just like Coach K, when it comes to hatred.  It is nothing but Jealousy.  He wins, he sleeps with and marries a supermodel, after dumping a super hot movie star.  He is good looking.  A great QB.  He is every boys dream of what they want to be when they grow up.  But because most of you ended up like Al Bundy, you hate Tom Brady.  Bud Selig on the other hand is singlehandedly responsible for steroids in baseball.  He created this mess, and has mishandled it from the start.  He continues to screw up and I can only hope for the sake of baseball that he leaves his job as commissioner as soon as possible.  Arrogant, over-paid screw-up.  You'd think a bank would have hired him away by now, he has all the qualification needed!



Rod Marinelli vs Tyrone Willingham
Horrible coach-off!  Maybe if these guys had switched jobs before their seasons began each one would have won a game.  <--- Best joke I ever told.  The good news here, is that someone will be a winner, and that the loser has something to be happy about.



(2)Terrell Owens vs Vince Carter
Arrogance vs arrogance.  But TO's is epic.  It's doing sit-ups in your driveway epic.  While poor Vince is just a show-off.  A Dunk over a French guy but won't win a gold medal.  Again Vince is on the edge of relevancy and hence why he gets cannon fodder status.



I only seeded the top 8.  The rest were thrown in randomly only making sure that 2 people from the same sport did not meet in the first round.   Yes I missed people, and yes there are some WTFs, but I did not too bad a job.  Send hate mail to me after you vote.

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